And Then Blue

Written by: Daphné Greco

You were the early rays of sunlight blinding my eyes, waking in the morning to a beautiful, golden day. A handful of daisies in a cup on my yellow windowsill, plucked with your hands to give to mine. Your shirt smelling like honey. My collarbones smelling like honey when I wear your shirt. Watching the sun set in your arms, gold dripping into the moon, gold dripping onto our skin. Your soft hair in my lap, golden. My, oh my, what a drop of perfect sunlight you are.
It was the colour of your tongue on my lips. Soft. The petal of a pink rose in my hands. The blush in my cheeks; the flush in yours. The colour of your paint on my fingernails. I tell you I love you. You tell me you love me. The clouds in the evening are pink. They taste like pink lemonade.
My heart is in your hands. Your nails are the colour of my blood. I drink chocolate milk in a red mug in your sweater. You wake up. You’ve never looked more beautiful. I bite my lip so much it bleeds. There are strawberries on the kitchen counter. They taste sweet. You taste sweet. You love me. Make love to me. The curtains are shut, and everything is red. Your touch lights me on fire. We are on fire. I love it. I love you.
Another sunset. This one we watch fade into purple. The bruises you leave on my neck for me to find in the morning light are the same colour. I love them. I love you. You love me. You wear lilac socks to bed. I sleep barefoot. I love you. I pin small bundles of lavender to the walls, leave them in books on my shelves, leave them on the piles of your clean laundry. You love them. You love me. I love you. The record player is lilac. We listen to Phil Collins. You planted flowers in a pot and put them on the balcony. You forgot to water them. I did it. My bookshelf holds all the words that could never describe you; that could never describe my love for you. You tell me you love me every day. The cork board in the hallway has purple push pins holding pictures of you; pictures of us. We look silly in most. But I love you. I love us. I love your hand in mine and your hands in my hair. The touch of your skin and the light in your eyes. How you hold me like you’re holding the stars. I always knew we were the sun and the stars.
I woke up this morning. You were already in the kitchen, reading. It’s strange, not waking up in your arms. I like waking up warm. But you look peaceful as always, wearing one of my mulberry sweaters. I love you. I love this. It’s cloudy. Perfect weather, right before it rains. Perfect weather for watching movies in each other’s arms. On the couch, we wear each other’s sweaters. I love this. I love you. You wake up earlier and earlier. I keep finding you in the kitchen, the living room, the hallway. I miss the honey and the lavender sheets. But I love you. You aren’t sure.
You aren’t sure.
And then blue. It’s never rained so much. I can’t breathe. The night sky is terrifying. Stay. My blue pillowcase can’t take the tears. I can’t, I can’t, I can’t. Stay. I love you. I don’t know what I’ve done. Was the lavender too much? Were the trips to the bookstore getting old? I love you. You say you don’t but I don’t believe you. I can’t. Look me in the eyes. Tell me I still mean something to you. I’ve worn the same blue pyjamas for days. I need you. You say you don’t love me. You say you don’t love me. Not like you used to. The house is navy from day to night and I’ve never cried so much. The bed feels like ice. I need you. Please. Just say it once. Lie if you have to. My heart can’t take this. I don’t know how to live without every part of you. I need all of it. I need all of you. Please. The early rays of sunlight burn. I love you. You colour my whole world. You coloured my whole world.

 

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